How To Screw Up A Marrige Law
by SamuelthegreatOO
Summary: The Ministry is attempting to get everyone's attention off the Triwizard Tournament's aftermath by passing a marriage law for Ancient Houses, one of them being the Potters. Voldemort sees this as an opportunity. Someone else sees it as an opportunity of a different type...
1. Chapter 1

Charlie Weasley was not one for vengeance. It was a good thing to, as he worked at a Romanian Dragon Reserve. He had a lot of talent with the creatures, so much that Hagrid, the groundskeeper, had said that he was 'good with animals'. His kind nature made him easy to approach. However, after he read the note his family sent him, he scowled. Crushing the note in his fist, he stalked over to his broomstick. "I'm going out for a bit to clear my head." Charlie called out to his fellow handlers. He kicked off the ground and flew the broomstick to his destination within a few hours-a seemingly empty cave. Dismounting, he strolled to the entrance of the cave and called in "Norberta? You there?" In the shadows of the cave, there was movement. "Come on you lazy dragoness get up." Charlie deadpanned. A 'Snort.' came from the cave. Charlie sighed heavily. "Norberta, I am going to count to three. After that, I swear I will go in your cave myself." Another 'Snort' came out. Charlie didn't understand Draconic, but he was sure Norberta had said something along the lines of 'You don't have the balls' with that snort. "One….Two...THREE!" He shouted at the end, before proving that he did, indeed, have the balls to enter a dragoness' cave without permission. Walking up to the flank of the 3 and a half year old dragoness-she had just reached adulthood (Ridgebacks matured a lot faster)-he poked her with his finger. A 'grunt' followed. Charlie sighed heavily. "Last chance, Norberta, or I swear I will destroy your 'support Potter' banner you got last year." THAT got the dragoness' attention. Immediately she perked up and roared at him, the power of her exhale literally blowing his hair back. He just stared at her, his whole body posture just screaming a deadpan 'really?'. "I swear to God you are one of the biggest Potter fangirls ever, and considering who my sister is that's saying something." Norberta, now eye level with him, snorted in a way that Charlie knew was a challenge. "We could argue about this all day, but that's not what I'm here for." When it came to Harry Potter, Norberta could-and would-go on for hours about how she had met him when she was a hatchling. She had asked questions to her nearest neighbor, a Hungarian Horntail who was known as 'Mama Dragon' to the handlers for her insatiable desire for children-adopted or otherwise. She had seen the boy, and had he been older she might've tried to mate with him instead of trying to get him to be her child. Norberta had mocked her for this when she came back from that Triwizard tournament. She was brought out of her thoughts when Charlie cleared his throat once more. "AHEM!" he practically shouted at the zoned out dragoness, startling her back into focus. "Aaaaannnyyywwaaaaayyyy…" charlie deadpanned before continuing, "Cornelius Fudge has forced a bill through the Wizengamot-a marriage law. The last male heirs are to be wed to a randomly selected female. The female's family will get compensation for her. Most of the Death Eaters have only single kids-many of them male. I think that you should enter. I can get the Unspeakables to get your name in. And hey, who knows? You might get Potter…"

August 28th, office of the Minister of Magic

Lucius Malfoy was walking towards his puppet's door. The Dark Lord wanted him to make sure that Potter was given to a child of one of his followers. Lucius wasn't about to deny that. After all, Potter was a thorn in his side. Maybe he could dump him on Bulstrode. He was brought out of his musings when he ran into someone. He was about to berate them when he caught sight of who it was and paled. The individual was wearing gray robes that covered all but his mouth. Right above where a human heart would be in the body was the number '2'. "Malfoy, you are not to try to control the sorting. Try it, and we WILL end not only your line, but 9 other lines of our choosing. You have been warned." Lucius paled and stormed off. His Lord would forgive him. After all, even the Dark Lord would not want to get in a fight with the Seven!

Department of Mysteries, Love Room, August 29th

The Unspeakables gathered around the marrige lot. One said to another "This is barbaric. We all know why our _esteemed_ minister is doing this" saying 'esteemed' like it was a foul slime. "Yes, it is quite unfortunate." another said. "Any way we can alter this?" a third asked. "It is more than possible, it's easy." a fourth replied. It was common for unspeakables to converse in a circle. "So, should we match them up with intent to drive the stale lines to extinction?" a fifth asked. Smiles filled the room. "Yes, we should." a sixth replied. (The entire department was filled with as many muggle-borns as possible, for many reasons. One, it was, for some reason, significantly harder to put a muggle born under the Imperious. Another was that the Death Eaters would not have a spy in the Department.) "Who should Mr. Potter get?" the seventh asked. The first responded with logic. "He needs someone who is against the Death Eaters, would believe him, and would protect him from enemies." "Is Luna Lovegood in the running?" the 2nd asked. The third shook his head. "I have an idea!" the fourth replied. He hurriedly grabbed a certain piece of parchment. The fifth took a look at it and laughed. "Oh yes, this definitely fits the criteria." The sixth one smiled. "No Death Eater will get close to the boy now!" The seventh had fallen over laughing. "This is just too good!" The first one nodded. Then it's settled. Potter will get-"

Number 12, Grimmauld Place, August 30th.

Harry Potter was looking out the window to wait for his doom. Any minute now Hedwig would return with the name of his forced spouse. It was highly likely that it was some Death Eater spawn, as all females had to be half blood or higher-at Lucius Malfoy's instructions to the minister. He sighed. Apparently after his trial Fudge put the law forward in an attempt to distract his loss. The law passed by a slim majority-Harry was sure that several had only children- and the task of matchmaking fell to the Department of Mysteries. It was quite like the Goblet of fire in that standard. And with his luck, he'd end up with some child of a Death Eater. "Who's running the choosings?" he inquired to Tonks, an Auror. "From what I heard, The Council of Seven are." "The what?" "They are the seven heads of the Department of Mysteries. I've met one once. Creepy people, they are-but don't worry-they're firmly on your side. The one I talked to said so." "Could one of them be under the Imperius curse?" He asked Tonks. "Doubtful. From the rumors, they have VERY extensive training on how to throw it off. I think that they'd do better than you." she joked. She picked up the Daily Prophet. "Huh. Fudge said that it would be them who'd choose. Evidently Malfoy didn't get the chance to bribe the minister." As Tonks left, he thought about the facts. Apparently the sorting was done by some creepy people that ran the most secret of the Ministry departments.

Harry was brought out of his musings when he heard the very familiar 'preck' of Hedwig. Slowly, as if she was carrying an explosive device, he took the letter from her leg. "Thanks, girl." he murmured, softly stroking her feathers. Crooning, Hedwig took flight through the house, taking care to leave droppings on the picture of Sirius' mother. Chuckling, Harry carefully opened the letter. 'Dear Mr. Potter, you are the last male heir of your House. In this regards, the current Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge has enacted the Emergency Family Preservation Act. You have been paired up with an ideal suitor who will be your wife to continue your bloodline. The candidates are matched to you as the best fit. Failure to do so will result in severe financial penalties. The new Mrs. Potter shall be-' "...What. The. Actual. Fuck." Harry deadpanned. Hermione scolded him, saying "Harry, don't use such language!"

Romania-same time.

Norberta had almost eaten the owl that sent the letter. Carefully unfurling the parchment so not to tear it, she began to read. (She had learned when she was 2) 'Dear Norberta, you have been matched to the best suitor to fit you under the Emergency Family Preservation Act, enacted by the current Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge. Your family shall receive compensation directly related to blood purity, magical power and other criteria. The penalty for backing out is severe financial problems, (HA! If anyone 'backs out' it would be a husband) You are to be the new Mrs.-''

The dragon handlers of the reserve had their coffee break interrupted by a faint 'squee' of joy. "Was that Norberta?" Charlie asked to himself.

Number 12, Grimmauld Place:

Harry just stared at the name. "Is this a joke?" he asked to no one in particular.

September 1st, Hogwarts Express

Harry was saying goodbye to his friends. "Well, I'll see you at the Feast-assuming I live." "Oh Harry, don't be like that." Hermione cried, hugging him. "I got paired to a DRAGON. Hagrid's dragon at that. Apparently she was to go in place of the Horntail but was rejected for being 'to uncontrollable'. Please explain how the bloody hell I'm going to live through the next few hours." Hermione started to think. Coming up with nothing, she threw her arms around him, sobbing into his chest. Ron walked up to her, himself looking like he had been crying. "Mione, we have to go to the Prefect's car." Ron said, patting her on the shoulder. "And I have to go to the 'marriage car'" Harry sulked. "Don't be like that, mate. I'm sure you'll be fine." Ron said in an attempt to comfort his best friend. "Unless a miracle happens I won't. And with my luck it DEFINITELY won't." Ron sighed. "Well mate, I promise that no matter what happens I'll stand by your side. I won't make the same mistake that I did last year." Harry nodded. "Thank you Ron." He replied solemnly as he walked to the back of the Express, where the 'Marriage Car' was.

Somewhere in England, same time

Norberta was flying over the rail line as fast as she could, occasionally letting out the dragon equivalent of a purr. She got Harry! Yay! Charlie (her human caretaker) had arranged a portkey to the dragon reserve in Scotland the day before. She had slept all through the night-as hard as it was. She was now trying to get to London or wherever the train was at the time as soon as possible. Flicking her tail in impatience, she swooped higher to allow her to see farther.

Hogwarts Express

Groaning, Harry opened the door to the 'marriage car', the place where all of the 'couples' were. "Hey Potter! Where's your wife? To ugly to show herself?" Ignoring the fool who probably would not live to see the night, Harry looked around to see the other victims. Neville was there, paired with a Hufflepuff. She had a nametag on her. Harry spotted a table covered in white linen with little placards with nametags. Quickly he spotted the one bearing his name. He nonchalantly pinned it to his chest. Picking a brownie from a desert table, he quietly sat down in one of the compartments. He listened to the chatter. Of course Draco had chosen to stand next to his door. "I'm surprised that the blood traitors got a chance. After all, the Act was to ensure the noble houses." "Oh shut it Malfoy! I heard that the picks were to ensure that houses like yours don't have any non-squib heirs!" Susan Bones shouted back. "After all, the Seven did the pickings." Neville, spurned on by the girl by his side, nodded. "Well then, where's Potter's whore?" Pansy shrieked. "Probably hanging herself for being so ugly. Still that's against the rules. My father will hear about this!" Malfoy said, chin in the air. Harry turned out the chatter and leaned against the window.

Suddenly, after an undetermined amount of time, a loud THUMP shook the train. Harry started awake and slammed his face against the window, shocked and wondering what caused that. He didn't have to wait long. He soon came face to face with his 'wife', staring at him with her orange eye staring at him. Immediately he went stock still, hoping that the dragoness didn't see him as he had not moved. This seemed to do the trick as the eye receded. He let out a sigh of relief, before the face of the dragoness pressed itself against the window and kept staring right at him. The eye, blinked and he quickly moved. When the eye opened it turned to him. Draco was still going on and on, mocking him. "Potter's whore apparently hasn't shown up. Guess Potter did something bad to her. When my father hears about this he'll be sent to Azkaban!" He gloated. Harry normally would have retorted, but Norberta beat him to it. She shattered the glass and roared at Draco. The Slytherin Prefect spun around, saw the predator, and shrieked like a little girl. He then preceded to faint. She then turned her head towards Harry. 'This is it. I'm going to die right now.' HArry braced himself for the fire of her breath or the pain of being bitten in two. So, he was unprepared for the lick that was swept across his face, followed by a weight on his legs. He started and opened his eyes, and almost fainted. Norberta was resting her head on his legs, purring. "This is not what I expected." Harry mumbled to himself, absent-mindedly stroking her head. Norberta then perked up and lifted her head. Harry saw that one of the scales was gone and replaced with a gem with a note taped to it. He severed the note and began to read.

 _Harry, I know this seems weird, but you are 100% safe with Norberta. I originally got her in to kill a Death Eater Spawn, which she would love to do. You see, she's a Potter fangirl with a 1.1 on the Ginny scale, meaning she's 1.1 times as much as a fangirl as my little sister is. She was not allowed to go to the Triwizard Tournament as she'd likely kill anyone who wouldn't give you a 10, and she's sapient. Literally human-grade intelligent. She could tell if an egg was fake, especially since she's never laid before. Also she'd let you just walk up and take it. I'm rambling. Sorry. Anyways, the point of the gem is to shrink her down to a more manageable size-the size of Fang-Hagrid's dog. Her wings will be higher than that. Also, at that size, she'll be able to speak Parseltongue. Dragons speak Draconic, an offshoot of the language. I heard you can speak Parseltongue._

 _Best of luck!_

 _Charlie Weasley_

Putting the note down, HArry saw that Norberta had-indeed-shrunk to the size of Fang. She was currently taking up the other booth, laying down.


	2. Chapter 2

How To Screw Up A Marriage Law Chapter 2: Arrival

AN: I uploaded the first part just to see if anyone would be interested, and holy crap! Over 100 views within the first 48 hours! I was certainly NOT expecting that! Thank you so much!

Harry Potter started at the occupant across from him. He blinked. She was still there. He rubbed his eyes. There was still a dragoness the size of a massive dog across from him, now starting back. He took his glasses off and cleaned them. Surprise surprise, Norberta was still there. _"Are you going to accept the fact that yes, I am here, and_ _yes, you're still alive?"_ a very feminine voice deadpanned. Harry started and saw the dragoness giving him a half lidded expression. "What?" was all Harry could reply. Norberta proceeded to sigh loudly and slam her head against the wall, as she had broken the glass on her way in. Utterly shocked, Harry opened the compartment door and left. No one was there. 'Probably due to Norberta's roar.' he thought to himself as he sat down.

The rest of the trip was uneventful. None of the others in the train car left their compartments for fear of the dragon. Harry went back to his compartment to talk to his 'bride'. "So you're a fangirl towards me. You. A dragoness. Are a fangirl. For ME." _"Oh yes! I was very excited to get you as a mate! Charlie-my human caretaker-said that my squee of joy could be heard at the reserve rest center!"_ "MATE?!" _"Oh don't worry I don't plan on doing any actual mating for at least another year. Charlie told me that you humans tend not to like having those under 16 mate."_ Norberta would've continued, but the train had stopped. The others in the 'marriage car' slowly crept out. Seeing that Harry wasn't there, Malfoy decided to act like an ass. "HA! Potter probably got devoured by that dragon! Good riddance!" "I don't think so Draco. If he did there would be dragon diarrhea everywhere!" "You're right Pansy! How silly of me!" Harry decided to clear his throat. "I'm right here Malfoy." "WHAT?! How are you not dead!?" Draco demanded, pointing his wand at Harry. "Apparently the dragon likes me." Harry shrugged, trying to not get riled up. This was hard to do, as the git was just begging to get his face punched in. "Obviously it's because the scent of mudbloods and blood traitors even disgust animals!" Pansy shrieked. Harry had enough and drew his wand. "You sicken me." he spat at the banshee that was Draco's whore before going back to his compartment. Norberta perked up and jumped off the seat. She then began to shrink further. _"There. Now I can ride on your shoulder!"_ "You can shrink further?" _"Yes, but any size smaller than this is impossible, and this size is a bit uncomfortable. You know the feeling when you're curled up into a ball for to long? That's what it feels like."_ Harry didn't really have much to say, so he shrugged.

Ron and Hermione were shocked to see Harry emerge from the train alive and unscathed. "HARRY!" Hermione screamed, embracing him in a hug. Norberta flapped to his head to be out of the way. "How are you still alive Mate?" Ron questioned. "Apparently Norberta likes me." Harry responded. "I got a note from your brother, Ron. Here it is." Ron read the note before bursting our laughing. "HA HA HA HA! That is just what Charlie would do!" he wheezed, clutching his gut. Hermione also read the note, her eyes gleaming. "That is amazing! Dragons are sentient? Why is that not taught? It really would be interesting to hear about that-and they have their own language! Why are they not classified as a 'being?' Obviously they meet the criteria laid out by Minister Grogan Stump in 1811, as they clearly have the intellect to be a part of the Wizarding World like Goblins, Mere-people and others! Why are they not counted? Did they choose to be considered beasts or-" Norberta roared in her face. " _SHUT UP!_ " "Hermione, you were babbling." "Sorry." The three friends walked to the carriages and Harry paused. "What's pulling the carriages?" He asked. "Harry, nothing's pulling it." Hermione stated. "You're not going mad. I can see them to. You're just as sane as I am." a very youngish sounding voice drifted up from the carriage. It belonged to a blond haired girl. "Who are you?" Harry asked. "I'm Luna Lovegood. Hello Harry Potter. Hello little dragon." She airily said. We climbed on. "That's a nice necklace." Harry said to her. "It's a charm actually. It keeps away the Nargles." _"_ _Good call"_ Norberta replied, settling on Harry's shoulders. "What's a Nargle?" Ron asked Hermione. "No idea" was her response.

The ride was uneventful, and Harry was impatient to get to the Great Hall. Norberta was excited to see 'Papa' (Hagrid) again. Harry went to a seat and sat down in the middle of the Gryffindor table. He turned around to the staff table, wondering who his new Defense teacher was. He all to soon saw her. It was that pink toad lady who worked for Fudge! What was she doing at Hogwarts? Hermione and Ron sat on opposite sides of him. Apparently the smear articles from the Daily Prophet were working. Harry was brought out of his thoughts by Professor McGonagall bringing the new first years in. Harry applauded them like the rest of the Gryfindors. When a new Gryffindor was chosen, Norberta would shoot a jet of flame, earning the Weasley Twin's appreciation. Harry also noticed that when certain students were under the hat, the toad woman would glare at them, like they were scum. Due to their last names, Harry was pretty sure that they were muggle born. Finaly, when all of the First Years were sorted, the feast began. Harry piled up his plate, careful not to get into Ron's way. Norberta hopped off his shoulder and darted around grabbing meats and a plate. When she returned there was a pile of assorted meats that completely covered the plate. Not a single inch was uncovered. She promptly landed on her bounty and started to agressively devour it. "How can you eat so much if you're so small?" Harry questioned her. " _I'm hungry_ " was the response he got before Norberta resumed. When they were done, desserts appeared. After they finished those and the desserts dissapeared, Dumbledore stood up. "Welcome to Hogwarts, and to those who are not new, welcome back! Now, before we go off to bed, I have a few announcements. First off, our normal Care of Magical Creatures Professor, Hagrid, is away at the moment, so in the meantime, please welcome Professor Grubby-Plank as our stand-in Care of Magical Creatures Professor!" He paused as claps rang out around the school. Harry noticed Draco was clapping rather loudly. "And I will now take the time to welcome our newest Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher, Professor Delores Umbridge. Good luck Professor! Now I have a few-" "Hem hem" the now-named Umbridge interrupted. Harry was quite shocked. No teacher had ever interrupted Dumbledore like that! "Thank you, Dumbledore, for those kind words."-Her voice was sweet in a sick way that reminded Harry of Antifreeze-"For those kind words of welcome. And how lovely it is to see all of the fine students that are happily looking up at me". Harry noticed that the Slytherins, and some other students- who Harry knew were pure-blood supremacists by the way they talked-were the only 'happy faces'. That didn't bode well. "The Ministry of Magic understands that the teaching of young witches and wizards is the most important task". Again, she was only looking at pure-bloods like Malfoy- "And many great teachers have brought many new things to this historic school. However, progress for the sake of progress must not occur. Instead, let us protect what is good" she noticeably looked towards the pure bloods again "perfect what can be perfected, and remove the things that should be prohibited" she was still smiling but her eyes were angrily boring into several of the new muggleborn students. The Slytherins were applauding very loudly and celebrating. "What was that?" Ron asked. Hermione glared at the pink witch. "It means that the Ministry is interfering at Hogwarts." she growled. Norberta snarled and the Toad-like woman and muttered something under her breath. Harry managed to catch _"That monster is like the student of a combination of Rachel Carson_ and _Margret_ _Sanger._ _"_ Harry did not know who either of those two were, but if a dragon hated them, those two must have been almost as bad a Voldemort.


End file.
